Brave Girl

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One day, you will just wake up differently.

The moment you open your eyes, you will know.

That the heaviness in your heart has lessened.

That the pain you have been harboring in your chest has eased.

That the weariness you feel in your bones has lightened.

That the negativity that has been intruding your thoughts has disappeared.

It will not happen overnight.

It will take many sleepless nights and crying bouts.

It will take several days of wallowing in your pain.

It will take long hours of self-blaming and self-doubt.

But

It will also take getting up each morning even if your soul is weary and your body craves rest.

It will also take pushing the waves of despair away and living to fight another day.   

It will also take acceptance of what is and letting things be.

That everything happens for a reason.

That some people are just not going to be meant for you, no matter how much you wish they were.

That like love, heartbreak does not last long.

So take your time, brave girl.

Take all the time you need to heal.

One day, you will just wake up differently.

And that one day, can be today.

In the end, 
only three things matter:
how much you loved,
how gently you lived,
and how gracefully 
you let go of things
not meant for you.
-- Buddha 

The Story of Us

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Whatever relationships you have attracted
in your life at this moment,
are precisely the ones you needed
in your life at this moment.
-- Deepak Chopra

I knew we were meant to find each other, at that exact moment when we were fated to meet.

I knew we were gifted with time to be with each other, to be part of each other’s lives, to fulfill the purpose of our meeting. You were who I needed to be with at that time, and I know I was who you needed to have in your life then. We were never meant to stay long together, even if we have hoped we would, and that made all the memories I had of you so precious yet so haunting.

I know now that not all the stories in my life are meant to have a happy ending. And not every person I feel something very deeply for is meant to make a home with me, is meant to be a forever. I know now that some people come into our lives to teach us how to love; and sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how not to love and how not to settle.

You taught me how to love before you broke my heart. Our meeting has brought me happiness and sadness. Our time together has brought pleasure and pain.

With your leaving, you made me see how much I am capable of loving, and how much more I can give. Your leaving made me see the beauty of my heart and the way I show up every day despite the hurt I carry. Your leaving actually set me free—to live my life one day at a time, to be happier on my own, to realise my worth, and to find myself and satiate my soul. I did not really lose anything.

Because I know, during our time together, I have loved and was loved in return. That is all that matters.

Because I know, sometimes people leave—but that’s okay, because their lessons always stay. That is what remains.

Because I know, once I learn to finally let go, the healing comes— the healing that will make me stronger; the healing that will gradually lave the wounds of my heart; the healing that will grow me; the healing that will move me to give love another try.

I have always been the hero of this story of ours. And no one can take this truth away from me. Even if you are now just a memory.

If you must look back, do so forgivingly. 
If you must look forward, do so prayerfully.
However, the wisest thing you can do is 
to be present in the present... gratefully.
-- Maya Angelou  

Eleven Weeks

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How long has it been since you were gone?

Missing you comes in waves. There are calm days, when the feeling creeps in slowly and laps at your heart in gentle, undulating strokes. And there are stormy days, when the feeling just crashes onto you, mercilessly and relentlessly.

At some point, I knew I had to get out of the waters of sorrow. I had to muster all my strength and start swimming to shore. I realized I have wallowed in sadness far too long. Grief has become my constant companion, making my heart weary and my mind desolate.

How long has it been since you were gone?

But whenever I am missing you, I also remember how fortunate I was that you were in my life. That I had someone special in my life worth missing. Then the waves subside once more, leaving me pleasantly warm as I sit on the shore.

The road to healing is an arduous one, and they say no healing is linear. But while part of me still grieves for you, I am starting to rebuild myself. There will be days I will still feel the void your leaving has created, or I will just suddenly burst into tears, but I know these times will be few. Soon, looking at our photos together will just bring a smile on my lips. Soon, remembering our moments together will only bring fondness and joy. Soon, memories of us will take the back seat to new memories I have started to make on my own. Because the love I felt for you, I have learned to give myself too. Who knows, maybe the love I let go and gave away will find its way back to me again one day.

How long has it been since you were gone?

what's yours will find you.
so I wouldn't worry about anything else.
I wouldn't worry about being alone for now.
your love is your love and if they're meant for you,
then one day you'll be reunited again.
one day they'll find you and tell you
how much they've missed you all along.
-- r. m. drake

Circles

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O, what a tangled web we weave
when we first practice to deceive!
-- Walter Scott

He let Her go.

It was the right thing to do.

But She,

She won’t let Her be.

Though She won’t admit

The home She has built

Is slowly being shattered

It was all that ever mattered.

Wounded, Her chose to walk away.

There was nothing left to say.

Maybe in time,

Their circles will fully untwine.

Broken Hearts

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This season is not a good time to deal with grief and mourning. In a span of two months, I have dealt with a painful breakup, a falling-out with a friend, and death of people I know of, a few even very close to my heart; one whom I consider as family, I was able to say goodbye for the last time yesterday.

It felt like a heavy burden to bear, one heart break coming after another.

How does one deal with the loss?

How does one overcome the pain?

How does one blot out the hurt?

How does one stop the tears from falling?

How does one move on?

It is difficult, not being able to offer the comfort one needs–

a warm embrace,

a hand to hold,

a shoulder to cry on.

It is even more difficult, when the comfort you seek

cannot be not given,

and even denied.

We weep.

We bear.

We hope.

We pray.

We wake.

We heal.

We live.

We love.

All this shall pass.

In time.  

Broken Hearts

I know you’ve lost someone and it hurts. You may have lost them suddenly, unexpectedly. Or perhaps you began losing pieces of them until one day, there was nothing left. You may have known them all your life or you may have barely known them at all. Either way, it is irrelevant– you cannot control the depth of a wound another soul inflicts upon you.

Which is why I am not here to tell you tomorrow is another day. That the sun will go on shining. Or there are plenty of fish in the sea. What I will tell you is this; it’s okay to be hurting as much as you are. What you are feeling is not only completely valid but necessary– because it makes you so much more human. And though I cannot promise it will get better any time soon, I can tell you that it will– eventually. For now, all you can do is take your time. Take all the time you need.

— Lang Leav

My Sunshine Blogger Award

According to online sources, the Sunshine Blogger Award is an award passed on from blogger to blogger in recognition of their inspiring, creative and motivational blogs.

I am honored that my writing has been considered inspiriting, creative and motivational by my new-found blogger friend Lauren and I am grateful for this nomination. I have always lost myself inside Lauren’s poetry, pushing me to get in touch with my emotions as she weaves words of truth and healing and strength. Her poems were just what I needed to read during this stage of my journey. You should also check out her poetry and prose too!

The Rules

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you
  • Remember to list the rules and indicate your award nomination by including the logo
  • Answer the questions that has been given to you
  • Nominate 11 bloggers who inspire you (or as many as you can, no pressure, since it has been brought to my notice that a lot of the emerging bloggers are yet to build their social circle on the platform)
  • Make a new list of 11 questions for your nominees (please keep them interesting and as interactive as you can think of, so everyone involved can enjoy this process)

My Answers to Lauren’s Questions

  1. What would you give someone who has everything?

Time. To enjoy everything in that someone’s life, to live life to the fullest.

  1. What would you most enjoy doing if you were to stay in on a Saturday night?

Curl up in bed with a book. Or re-read old letters/messages and take inspiration to write.

  1. Who is your favourite author (and your favourite book of theirs) and why?

Right now, Lang Leav’s ‘Love Looks Pretty on You and ‘Memories’, Paulo Coelho’s ‘Manuscript Found in Accra’, Mitch Albom’s ‘For One More Day’ and R.H. Shin’s ‘Rest in the Mourning’ are on my bedside table. These help me deal with my grief and healing.

  1. How long have you been blogging on WordPress for?

I started blogging actively in July of 2020. Blogging helped me deal with my emotions at a time I was most vulnerable, confused and hurting.

  1. What type of blogs do you gravitate towards reading?

Those that speak of strength, healing, triumph and hope. I also enjoy travel and food blogs, and those that paint a picture of a place I have never been to or a culture I have not experienced.   

  1. What type of art are you drawn to? Name an artist or two whose work inspires you.

I am more inclined towards the literary, visual and performing arts, and no specific artist in particular. I take everything in, regardless of style and genre and age. That is why I love museums and libraries.

  1. How would you encourage someone who wants to get into writing to express themselves but admits to having trouble creatively putting pen to paper?

Great things start from small beginnings. I would tell then to just write and write and keep on writing, never censoring or self-editing themselves. Everyone has a story to tell.

  1. What’s your ultimate comfort dish to have when you’re stressed out?

Ice cream.

  1. What do you think is one of your strongest posts? Share the link, if you like!

https://awayfromthemaddingcrowdblog.wordpress.com/2020/08/15/love-let-go/

https://awayfromthemaddingcrowdblog.wordpress.com/2020/07/24/today-i-cried-2/

  1. Where would you most like to visit and why?

Europe. Visit churches and museums and libraries. It is something one can experience even when alone.

  1. What is it about the WordPress community that you love the most?

The community is so supportive and uplifting. Even bloggers I do not even follow, or do not even know, leave encouraging comments and cheer.

My Nominees

https://thegirlwithapuzzledmind.art.blog/

http://teenage13com.wordpress.com

http://missdimplecom.wordpress.com/

http://beautifulpeopleinc.wordpress.com/

http://themomshiediaries.wordpress.com/

http://thatcitygirlph.wordpress.com/

http://themagpiefancier.wordpress.com/

http://peaksofcheeks.wordpress.com/

http://thelighteningbug.wordpress.com/

http://www.jalapenogirl.com

http://www.blogimommy.com

My Questions

  1. What inspires you to write?
  2. Who is your role model and why?
  3. If you will be granted 3 wishes, what would those wishes be and why?
  4. What is your favorite color and why?
  5. Sunny day or Rainy day? Why?
  6. Introduce us to your best friend.
  7. What is your biggest fear?
  8. How do you see yourself 5 years from now?
  9. What to you do to overcome writer’s block?
  10. Who do you think is your biggest fan / number one cheerleader?
  11. If you would leave me with some words of wisdom about life or writing, what would that be?
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Maybe I Just Miss You

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Thoughts of you suddenly filled me today, and I realized that it has been weeks since you crossed my mind.

Maybe I just missed you.

Maybe I just missed our talks… we used to talk about so many things and never ran out of things to talk about.  Everyday.

Maybe I just missed our private q&a game… that game you thought of, where we’ll take turns choosing between two options, giving us a glimpse of who we are as we got to know each other more.

Maybe I just missed your soft whispers late at night, soothing me and giving me that warm fuzzy feeling before we call it a day.

Maybe I just missed how you would greet me in the morning, starting our day with sending our cares to each other.

Maybe I just missed our time together.

Maybe I just missed how our hands fit together just right, and we would marvel how warm and soft and assuring it felt.

Maybe I just missed how we would sit so close together when eating out, when there were plenty of room on either side of the seat.

Maybe I just missed how you would constantly update me about your day, of how you were doing, and how you insist that you miss me more than I did, especially when we were apart.

Maybe I just missed your voice.

Maybe I just missed how you would call me by my special name, one that you call me by.

Maybe I just missed how you comforted me when I was sad or felt bad; you called me just to let me cry, because you said it was something I would need at that time.

Maybe I just missed how you would run to me for counsel and solace when things at work became crazy and frustrating, and we would sort things out together.

Maybe I just missed how you would talk sense into me, whenever I feel confused and anxious about things not going as planned or my way.

Maybe I just missed you.

You said you were happy with me.

You said you were thankful I came into your life.

You said I was a blessing.

You said we would have more birthdays, Christmases and New Years to celebrate.

Thoughts of you suddenly filled me today, and I realized that it has been weeks since you crossed my mind. It was quite surprising and also worrisome that you were suddenly in my mind today.

Are you alright?

Are you still unsettled?

Are you still undecided?

Are you at peace?

I used to worry a lot about you then.

I knew there were times you looked like you had a lot on your mind, but you always assured me it was nothing for me to worry about. I didn’t want to probe; I knew you would tell me when you were ready. I wanted to give you time to be ready to fully open up to me. You know I don’t judge people for their past. But sadly, that time didn’t come anymore.

Maybe I just missed you.

Maybe I was just worried about you.

Maybe one day, you will come back in my dreams this time and tell me you are doing well now.

Maybe one day, we will see each other again.

Maybe one day, you’ll come back.

Maybe one day, we can be friends again.

Because maybe, I just missed the best friend I had in you.

An Almost Love Story Part 4

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The phone call came a few minutes after midnight.

She thought she was dreaming, but the ringing was incessant. She never really silences her phone, but the volume was always set at a low, and the soft vibration that accompanied her customized ringtone was what woke her up from her slumber.

The ringing stopped. Subconsciously, she reached for her phone to see who was calling in the middle of the night. The number was not in her phone book anymore, but the number was known to her.

The phone rang again. She stared at the gadget in her hand before finally making a decision.

Heart pounding, she answered tentatively. “Hello?”

All she can hear was the clock ticking. Or was it her heart beating?

“Hello?” she said again. She really cannot tell.

“Hello.” The voice on the other line was all too familiar to her. Soft, soothing, caressing. But now it was tinged with weariness, and a bit of hesitation. Was it nervousness that seem to make the voice sound – shaky?

She was silent as he began to speak.

She didn’t expect these words from him, after all this time.

Finally, he was silent again. He had said his piece.

She can again hear her own heart beating. Or was it the clock ticking?

“Okay,” was all she said, as she ended the call.

The message came right after. Same three words that he used to send her then; the same three words that always made her smile.

She sent her usual reply.

And it was understood between them. After all, they have known each other for a long time.